New Year's 1971

It was 50 years ago this holiday season that I had one of the saddest experiences of my life up to that time and now looking back on it so many years later probably of my entire life. My father had died suddenly from a ruptured brain aneurysm five months earlier. I had come home from my Navy duty station for the funeral and stayed for about two weeks. Now I was on my way to report onboard a ship and had the opportunity to go home for Christmas. 

The was the first Christmas without Dad. It was also my first Christmas while in the Navy. l was able to stay until the day after New Year's. This was also the family starting the New Year without Dad. I can't describe how sad it was to be home that week. This was my first time with my brothers and sisters since we buried Dad.

Things had been different for me because I was out in the world. Everyone else was still home and dealing with the tragedy and grief every day. They had to see Mom and help her through the crises of each day. It was hard for me to just come home and be with everyone even for just a few days. I wasn't having the same experience as everyone else. I could forget. I could move on because I was getting ready to go overseas. They were all in school everyday. They were getting up everyday and seeing Dad's car in the driveway. Seeing his stuff around the house. Hearing Mom crying.

During this visit I had a long talk with Mom about staying in the Navy and the possibility of getting what they called a family hardship discharge. That could happen if the family made the case that I was needed to be home to contribute to the family income in a meaningful way because of the sudden death of my father. I had discussed the option with the base chaplain and a personnel officer and was advised that I had a potential case for discharge. So I talked in over with Mom. She was insistent that I stay in the Navy and that they would be alright without me being home. 

When I first talked with Mom and Dad about enlisting they made me promise to go to college when I got out of the service. Now Mom was also making the case that having the GI Bill to pay for college was now more important than ever. She said that Dad had good life insurance and she and the family would be OK financially for some time. So I agreed to stay in and see the world. She wanted me to do that and she would write me every week and let me know how everyone was doing.

I wish I could remember the conversations I had at that time with my brothers and sisters. They would be having a much harder time dealing with the day to day loss of our Dad than I would have working on a Navy ship at sea. Or so I thought.

I would have my moments of grief but they were private. They were not in front of my family. They would occur at odd moments in faraway places.